My Son Jacob

I wrote this in March of 2006 right after Jacob got his orders to deploy to Iraq. It may have been the same day. I don't know who I wrote it for, but writing seems to be therapeutic.

 

 

My Son Jacob

Jacob is going to Iraq. Bottom line, my son is going to one of the most dangerous places in the world and I'm really angry about it. My anger is directed at no one in particular, although some high profile figures come to my mind easily, drifting like targets that they were too cowardly to become. And he brought this on himself, joining (it seems to me) the Army Reserve as a way to break a pattern of irresponsible behavior, and taking a big risk at the same time. Like a young and stupid kid would do. He got the GI Bill for doing that, and that was a way to keep from asking for money from us after he'd squandered two full years of college loans on drinking and partying. High school did not prepare him for the challenges of college. All he had to do was pass the TAAS/TAKS test-of-the-month and they were glad to be rid of him and every other senior. Seniors are worthless in the scheme of Texas public education, they've already passed THE TEST. But I digress. The issue is Jacob is going to Iraq, and I fear for his life. I fear first of all that he may never come back. I fear that he may come back crippled, or psychotic, or sick from radiation (read up on Depleted Uranium, a great way to utilize nuclear waste), or not the same at all. That is my biggest fear. He is a wonderful child and I want him to stay that way. I don't want the fear of death to haunt his every waking moment. I don't want the sight of devastation to harden him so that he can't empathize anymore. I don't want him to have to kill someone to protect himself or his buddies. I don't want him to kill so Halliburton's stock doesn't drop. I don't want him to die before I see him with a family of his own.

I'm also pretty angry with myself for not speaking out against the war. Not just this war, any war. Family gatherings are choreographed so that we avoid discussing politics, we don't want to bring out the passion in our family. We're passionate about family, but we've never faced losing one of us for A STUPID WAR! Blame the Democrats, too. Blame all the idiots in Washington, their free lunch is not paid for by the blood of soldiers, it's too slippery to step in. No, their lunch is paid for by Halliburton, Raytheon, Lockheed, et al. Check your mutual funds, the ones that are doing well have money in weapons – I think it's called Defense. That's market doublespeak. Weapons are the best investment you can make. Bombs and bullets only get used once, then you have to buy more. What a deal! Milo Minderbinder stepped out of the pages of Catch-22 into the Bush Administration. It's all about business, and selling War is good business.

I just wish my son weren't in the business.